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> Dragon Messenger and Kollo the Thief
tezcatlipoca
post Sep 8 2009, 10:54 PM
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I really think the Dragon should drop some sort of loot since he's shown as a blue boss creature. It seems confusing that all the other bosses dropped loot or a chest, but this one doesn't.

Kollo's text:

He says, "It seems as if Norwall received a large payment of gold from Durvin, the mountain giant leader."

Might sound better as, "It seems as though Norwall received a large payment of gold from Durvin, leader of the mountain giants."

Also you have dragon capitalized in the first sentence but not in the third, Dragon shouldn't be capitalized since it's not a proper name.

He says, "Travel into the mountains and find Durvin and uncover his dealings with Norwall."

Should say, "Travel into the mountains, find Durvin, and uncover his dealings with Norwall." OR "Travel into the mountains to find Durvin and uncover his dealings with Norwall."

I also think you should name the mine something versus just calling it "the city mine". It would be more compelling in the story's text to have it referred to with an official name.

He says, "Be careful, since we have abandoned the mine, our trappers have stopped keeping the vermin in the pass under control."

Would sound better and tie into the previous story more strongly with, "Be careful, since we were forced to abandon the mine, our trappers have stopped keeping the vermin in the pass under control." ...since you previously had it so that Duke Norwall forced them to abandon the mine.

"He will meet you at the mine's entrance."

"Look for the town's trapper outside the gates. I believe he holds the key to the mine's entrance."
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